Author: Jake Robinson, Team Leader & Paediatric Occupational Therapist
5-7 min read
Introduction
Many older children and teens (ages 12–18) don’t fit into typical developmental expectations, yet they still need meaningful support. It can be frustrating when they are expected to do things they’re not ready for—both for the child and the adults supporting them.
The Developmental, Individual Differences, Relationship-Based (DIR) model helps us focus on a child’s developmental level rather than their age. This approach allows us to support them in ways that make sense for their unique needs.
For children who are still building foundational skills, play is a powerful way to help them grow—even in their teen years. Play isn’t just for young kids; it strengthens connections, builds essential life skills, and makes everyday tasks easier.
Why Developmental Levels Matter More Than Age
Many people assume that by adolescence, children have mastered basic skills like self-regulation, dressing, managing schoolwork, or socialising. However, for neurodivergent children or those with developmental differences, these skills may still be developing.
For example, a 14-year-old may struggle with emotional regulation and communication in ways that are more common in younger children. Yet, because they look older, they are often expected to manage personal care, school responsibilities, and social interactions without the right support.
Instead of asking, “What should a 14-year-old be able to do?”, we should ask, “What support does this child need to take the next step in their growth?” Meeting them where they are reduces frustration, builds confidence, and supports skill development in a way that feels natural.
The First Four DIR Levels: A Foundation for Growth
The DIR model has six levels, but for older children who are still developing foundational skills, the first four are the most relevant. These levels help us understand how to support emotional regulation, communication, and problem-solving—essential skills for daily life.
Level 1: Feeling Calm and Connected
Some older children still struggle to stay calm and focused, making everyday tasks—like getting dressed or brushing teeth—difficult. Before teaching new skills, we need to help them feel safe and regulated.
Ways to support this level:
- Use sensory-friendly strategies like deep pressure (hugs, weighted blankets) or movement breaks.
- Identify and reduce triggers that cause stress.
- Build trust through fun, low-pressure activities.
Example: A 16-year-old who avoids brushing their teeth might not be “defiant”—they may dislike the sensation of the toothbrush. Instead of forcing the task, we can start with sensory play, like experimenting with different textures or playing with water, to make it more comfortable.
Level 2: Building Connection and Motivation
At this stage, relationships and emotions play a key role in learning. If a child feels connected and engaged, they are more likely to participate in activities and develop new skills.
Ways to support this level:
- Prioritise fun and connection before focusing on tasks.
- Use their interests to spark engagement (e.g., incorporating superheroes into daily routines).
- Adapt the environment to support focus and comfort.
Example: If a 13-year-old refuses to get dressed, we can turn it into a game—“Let’s pretend we’re getting ready for a secret mission!” This makes the task playful instead of stressful.
Level 3: Back-and-Forth Communication
Communication isn’t just about talking—it includes gestures, facial expressions, and body language. When children struggle with this, daily routines and social interactions can be challenging.
Ways to support this level:
- Encourage non-verbal communication (pointing, pictures, or sign language).
- Play turn-taking games to strengthen social skills.
- Use role-play and storytelling to practice real-life situations.
Example: If a teen struggles to ask for help in the bathroom, we can practice through role-play. Using dolls, characters, or a pretend scenario can help them feel more confident.
Level 4: Problem-Solving and Flexibility
At this level, kids begin to handle longer conversations, solve problems, and think flexibly—essential skills for independence. However, these can be difficult for children with executive functioning challenges.
Ways to support this level:
- Play pretend games that involve problem-solving (e.g., “What would we do if we ran out of shampoo?”).
- Use visual schedules or checklists to support planning.
- Encourage turn-taking games to build flexible thinking.
Example: Cooking requires planning and problem-solving. Instead of jumping straight into real cooking, we can start by playing “restaurant” or “chef”, helping children practice sequencing and decision-making in a fun way.
Why Play Is Important for Older Children
Play is often seen as something for young kids, but it remains a powerful tool for older children and teens. It makes learning more engaging and reduces stress.
Benefits of play-based learning:
- Encourages engagement – When something is fun, kids want to participate.
- Builds coordination – Activities like board games or sports improve motor skills.
- Supports communication – Interactive games help with social skills.
- Strengthens planning skills – Strategy games improve organisation and flexibility.
Example: If a teen struggles with getting dressed, we can turn it into a game—playing “fashion designer” or setting a one-minute outfit challenge.
Making Daily Life Easier Through Play
Many everyday tasks can be taught in a playful, engaging way:
- Hygiene: Water play can make toothbrushing or bathing less stressful.
- Dressing: Costume play or “beat the clock” challenges can make getting dressed more fun.
- Cooking: Pretend cooking and hands-on food play help with kitchen skills.
When we bring play into daily routines, learning feels natural and enjoyable.
Conclusion: Meeting Children Where They Are
Instead of focusing on what a child “should” be able to do at a certain age, we need to recognise their individual developmental level. Play-based learning is not just for young children—it’s a valuable tool to help older children and teens build independence, confidence, and essential life skills.
By using the DIR model and focusing on relationship-driven, engaging experiences, we can help older children thrive in their own way and at their own pace.
If you feel like your child is struggling with play and skill development, talk to an occupational therapist for further guidance. Contact MoveAbout today. Check out our Facebook and Instagram pages for more education regarding sensory processing and regulation.
